How to Save a Life
by kamikazarii
Summary: These are a bunch of ficlets centered on what life would be like had Merlin taken the other fork in the road. Would Morgana turn out differently if Merlin had confessed to her the real truth about himself? Alternate circumstances. Merlin/Morgana


When there was a feast coming to celebrate the triumph over an invading army, Merlin could feel the tension and excitement in the air. Mostly it was a hurricane of servants and people bustling about carrying an assortment of foods, goods and things in a tumble of colors. And in the eye of the storm was Morgana, directing it all in a new blue dress, direct.

"Make sure there is a pig roasted. Maybe two- and we'll have three stuffed pheasants as well. Cooked berries go well with wild game, so make sure there is plenty of that as well," she told the castle cook.

Merlin watched her order people about while he pretended to polish a silver gauntlet. She smiled at him, and he approached. "Everything seems to run smoothly when you're the one behind the plans."

"Of course," she replied. "When a king has no wife, who else is supposed to keep his castle?" she smiled softly. She gestured for him to come with her as they walked away from the commotion.

They started walking down a quiet castle corridor when she confessed, "Sometimes I think I haven't gotten married yet because Uther is keeping me for himself."

Merlin saw how Uther looked at Morgana- with a softness in his eyes, he knew what she said was true.

"That wouldn't be so bad, wouldn't it? You would become queen, either way."

Morgana looked at him wistfully. "I am destined to become a marriage gift. I'm not a princess, just a ward- here on the benevolence of our king. But until then…"

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I were like everyone else. I could be free to marry whomever I want and-and do as I please." Her eyes darkened when she paused and Merlin knew she was thinking of the druids. If Morgana were just another peasant, there would be nothing stopping her- no obligations in her way- for her to be with them.

* * *

"Let me guess what it is that you want this time, young warlock." Kilgharrah thundered in his metallic, fire-coarsened voice.

His large cat-like eyes stared unblinkingly into Merlin's, who barely stopped himself from flinching.

"You wish to help your friend, is it not? You certainly are not getting help from me." Kilgharrah's words exploded at him in puffs of smoke.

Merlin was quickly becoming tired of the dragon's mysterious nature. "Why is it that you want me to help Arthur, help Camelot, but not my friend?" he shouted, trying not to tremble.

"What difference does it make to you- a kingdom or a person? How do I know that you aren't doing this because you- "

"Because I what?" the dragon boomed. "Because I have my own plans for the future?" He laughed- a clanging of brass bells.

"Of course I do!"

"Then why should I trust you?" Merlin shouted back.

The dragon's voice suddenly became deadly quiet. He moved his muzzle closer to Merlin's face so he could smell the stench of the dragon's stone-and-ash breath. "Because there is no one else who could tell you the destiny you were given. Only I know what the future holds. You humans like to believe you have everything under control by knowing the future. When you decide to give up control of your life, then we might have something to talk about."

The dragon gave another great thundering laugh, as if the seeing the struggle on Merlin's face amused him greatly.

Merlin left, laughter echoing in his wake.

_"What is my destiny?"_

* * *

"What if magic is something that chooses you?"

He wanted to believe so badly that she had a good heart, even if she had plotted to kill Uther. She had helped the druid boy, hadn't she?

They were watching Mordred turn in his feverish sleep, eyelashes fluttering and exposing his glowing blue eyes.

She turned to him, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"If you had a friend in Camelot that had magic, would keep their secret?"

"Of course I would! I could never betray my friends, just because they had magic. Uther is frightened for nothing. Druids wouldn't attack Camelot if Uther didn't hurt them first." She said, crushing the velvet curtain in her fist.

Merlin longed to tell her. He envisioned a future, of shared secrets and light-hearted laughter, a lighter burden to shoulder. But futures that don't exist yet are as substantial as smoke and dreams unless…

"Lady Morgana, I…"

But she spoke again, "Everyone has something about themselves that they must never tell, because nobody else would understand what it's like."

He could only nod in agreement, and saw that her expression was as troubled as his.

* * *

"Tell me that it's magic, please. I just want to know that I'm not crazy."

She looked so lost, so confused. The conflicting emotions played across her face like water in a raging storm.

Merlin licked his lips, debating what to do. Destiny and fate. The words of Gaius and the dragon echoed in his mind. Merlin wanted to believe it- that the future was changeable. Damn his fate! And damn his destiny! He couldn't stand to let Morgana feel the same pain that radiated through his heart at being all alone.

"Yes. It's magic. It's magic because…."

He held his hand out to her. She looked at him, as if by grasping it she would be spirited away into a portal that would take her anywhere but here.

Instead, the gentle glow of an orange-red flame blossomed in the palm of his hand, flickering and crackling with its own internal power.

Her eyes flickered at it, and then as him. There was dead silence. And then,

"Oh, _Merlin._"

"Do you see things too? Horrible, nightmarish dreams?"

"No, it's- I think it's different for everyone, but you aren't alone."

"I-I thought this was a curse. I don't know how to stop seeing terrible things that will happen to everyone."

"No, it's a gift. You should treasure it- not everyone can do this. I don't know how to make your dreams stop, but you aren't alone."

Morgana moved closer to look at the fire still burning in Merlin's palm, and when she looked up, her eyes were shiny. "I've never been so glad to find out that I am not alone."

"You are never alone." She looked like she wanted to hug him.

"Uther will kill the both of us if he finds out," he said, extinguishing the fire and closing his hand.

"I won't tell him your secret…as long as you won't tell mine."

He smiled. "I won't tell a soul, I promise."

"Thank you, Merlin. You're a good friend." She came closer, and he came closer, drawn silently by the force of invisible magnets. She pulled him close, and Merlin closed his eyes at the feeling of her soft body, her forehead against his neck.

A noise startled both of them into parting, lest it be Arthur catching them in an embrace. They regretted pulling apart, and when they retired into their separate bedrooms for the night, Morgana couldn't help but feel like her heart was lighter, but still longing for more.


End file.
